News update: I am writing a book collecting and organizing various essays and letters I have written over the years. To be fair, it's been mostly complete for about 3 months now and I am currently just doing the polishing process as well as collecting opinions before I publish it. The project started while I was writing the series on True Love and I realized I would like to make it easier for my children to read what I have written. The result was that many of the letters I have published have been slightly modified versions of letters I have written to my children for this book, including what I'm sharing with you now.
Dearly Beloved,
I often preach that True
Love is an act of the will. The primary definition I use is “Love is to will
the good of another.” I like the definition as it covers action, choice,
desire, mind above emotion, and selflessness. However, one more definition is
“Love is a great admiration of something.” Similarly, love can also mean “a
strong like of something.” In addition, another definition some people love the
most is “Love is a great desire to be united to something.”
If you study language,
you may find what are called homonyms, “words with same spelling and
pronunciation, but different meanings.” Some are completely unrelated such as a
“bat” being a flying mammal or an object to play baseball with. However, many
words are derived from the original word. In fact, when the connotation becomes
the definition, it goes through this process. Love is one of these words.
Consider the first and
second definitions. If you greatly admire something, it means you are more
likely act on behalf of it. Consider a priceless jewel. If you don’t care about
jewels, you’ll simply toss it away. If you greatly admire jewels, then you’ll
take care of it. Same applies to people. If you greatly admire people, you will
even perform some sort of sacrifice for their benefit.
Now consider the second
and third definitions. You tend to greatly admire something you strongly like.
Then take that “like” is derived from the same word which means “similar.” You
like things that are similar to yourself or who you want to be.
Next up is the third and
fourth definitions. A synonym for like is “desire” so naturally you can see how
they link. When we think of desires, we tend to think of them as uncontrollable
passions. And that is how you get the same word meaning an act of the will to
meaning an act of passion. Is this believable? Certainly as we do this with
language all the time. Words “evolve” as long as there is something to link it
to the older meaning, including sarcasm. After all, antonyms can swap meanings
just as “awful” and “awesome” did.
If you look up synonyms
for “love,” you will find “passion” among them. This is what I meant by “Love
is a great desire to be united to something.” This is the emotional definition
of love that many people love. You want something so much that you can’t
imagine being without it. This is the explanation for what I consider the Love
Paradox. You love someone so much that you want to be with them, but at the
same time, you want him/her to be happy, even if that means he/she is not with
you.
Now there is nothing
wrong with any of these definitions. The biggest point I would like to make is
of all of them, the first is the most pure and admirable. That is the one that
makes use better people and is the secret to morality. The key here is that
it’s the only one that works perfectly with humility, service, and every other
virtue. The other definitions open the door to being selfish and therefore
conflict and tragedy. As long as they are bounded by the first definition, they
are fine. However, you generally cannot have all of them and therefore only the
first is essential.
Consider what it means
when you have the others, but not the first. Perhaps the best example is a
teenage boy who tells a girl he loves her so in order to have sex. He might
greatly admire her, but if it’s only her beauty he admires, he’ll dump her when
he finds someone else he considers more beautiful. He might hold a lot of
things in common with her, but that is very fickle especially for teenagers.
Even if they maintain common interests, the importance of them will change as
life changes. Lastly, he certainly wants to be united with her, but it’s to
satisfy himself.
The boy is speaking the
truth, but he doesn’t care for the girl. He doesn’t want what is best for her.
He only cares about himself and heartbreak is going to happen. It’s often the
case that a couple will have sex only to part that night. The common scenario
is the girl is hoping he means the first definition along with the others, but
if a guy can’t wait until marriage for sex, it’s most likely he doesn’t mean he
cares. If anything, it shows he doesn’t have the willpower to make many
sacrifices for her.
My hope
is that by showing you this example, you may see that selfishness produces
pain, sadness, and ultimately victims. Let the first definition rule your life
so that you may become a great hero. When you abide by the pure definition of
love, you may recognize when it is lacking and therefore be able to avoid the
unnecessary heartache. That is my wish, because I do indeed care for you.
With
Love,
N.
D. Moharo
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